Who's Your Daddy?
by EternalKnight219
Summary: A group of some really f@#& up tales from Code Geass
1. Chapter 1

_**Who's Your Daddy?**_

_A collection of really screwed up stories. _

_Who's Your Daddy?_

Suzaku was creeping down the hallway, naked. He had just escaped one of Milly's various fucked up schemes when all of a sudden,

"WHO's YOUR DADDY BIOTCH?!!!" Lelouch screamed as he jumped right in front of the embarrassed Nip.

Later that day, Lelouch was found assraped and murdered in a dumpster.

_Now that's what I call a Lolicon_

BUY IT NOW!!! THE NEW ALBUM FROM THE CREATERS OF NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A BUTCH, IT'S NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A LOLICON!!!

It is a collection of songs made by the most well known Lolicons of today! Artists such as Odysseus u Britannia with his, "I Fucked a 12 year old girl and I liked it" and Schneizel el Britannia's greatest hit, "Young Girls, Glorious Holes."

The album sold out worldwide.

_Guess What?_

Lelouch went over to Suzaku one day and asked, "Hey Suzaku, guess what?"

"You're not gay?"

"No, wait what?"

"HAHAHAHA!" Suzaku laughed. "Lelouch is gay!!!"

"Fuck YOU!!!!!"

"I know you want to, but I don't roll like that, assmunch."

"Oh please, at least I don't masturbate to posters of Taylor Hansen."

"Hey! I thought he was a girl. And why were you watching me jack off anyway."

"Uhhh." Then Lelouch ran away.

"Fuckin Homo."


	2. Chapter 2

_It's a Small World After All_

Lelouch walked down the hallway, whistling a happy tune when all of a sudden…

"it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all…" Shirley sang.

"Shirley, I really, really hate that song so could you please stop singing."

"But Lulu, I like that song."

"NO! If you keep singing that song, then I'm going to have to punish you tonight," Lelouch said.

"Master, please don't punish Shirley tonight. Shirley will be a good girl, Master."

"Good. I'll reward you for being a good girl tonight."

"With the whip, Master Lulu?"

Lelouch smiled evilly, "Yes, with the whip."

Slave Shirley shivered in anticipation. "Master, does that mean…"

"Yes, Euphemia and Milly are yours if your good."

Shirley squealed excitedly and ran off to get her slave uniform ready.

Suzaku, listening from around the corner, was jealous. 'Maybe if I sang the song, then I'll get some. Maybe I'll get Kallen.' Suzaku thought like a horny horndog.

He then walked around the corner and began to sing, but he then had to duck Arthur as Lelouch threw the cat at Suzaku.

"Shut the fuck up Suzaku and no, you will not get any tonight."

"But why? I sang the song."

"Apparently you didn't understand. I HATE THAT SONG AND IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE TO LIVE, YOU WILL STOP SINGING."

Suzaku grumbled as he walked away.

Lelouch sighed as he began walking toward the clubhouse singing, "It's a small world after all…"

-This chapter is dedicated to my hatred of that fucking annoying line of shit that they call a song. Walt Disney, I hope that your anti-Semitic, white-supremacist ass is burning in hell, you racist pig.


	3. Chapter 3

_Why Lelouch Despises Milly With Great Intensity_

It was a bright sunny day at Ashford Academy when the auction took place.

"OK! So we have Lelouch's underwear that he wore last night being offered for a minimum of $5! Do I hear any more?"

Lelouch walks in, "Milly, have you been stealing my under…" He stops looking at the boxers in Milly's hands and then looks as the crowd of hopeful girls and Suzaku.

He turns back to Milly, "I despise you with great intensity, wench."

_Never Bet Against the House_

Lelouch sat in his dining room, being served by a very scantily clad Kallen in a maid's uniform.

"Thank you, Kallen. I'll be sure to _reward_ you later."

"Thank you, my master." She said happily as she gave her master a peek at her lack of panties.

Lelouch turns to Rivalz and holds out his hand. Grumbling, Rivalz gives him a wad of bills.

"What have we learned today?" Lelouch asks.

Rivalz mumbles, "Never bet against thy supreme awesomeness.


	4. Chapter 4

_Suzaku Watches Too Much Naruto_

Suzaku was watching T.V. when Lelouch walks in. "Hey Suzaku, what are you watching?"

"Naruto, ttebayo!"

"Wait, what did you just say?"

Suzaku looks at him excitedly, "I'm watching Naruto, dattebayo!"

Lelouch stares at him. "Why do you keep saying dattebayo?"

"I'm saying dattebayo, ttebayo?"

"Yes, you just said it twice!" Lelouch pointed.

"No I didn't, dattebayo."

"Yes you did and you did it again!"

Suzaku looks at Lelouch strangely, "Are you sure you're not hearing things Lelouch, ttebayo?"

"Goddamnit Suzaku! Stop saying Datebayo!"

"I'm not, dattebayo!"

"Suzaku if you don't stop saying that I am going to hit you in the head with a book." Lelouch growls.

"I don't know what you're talking about…..ttebayo!"

BAM!

Suzaku was laid out on the floor unconscious as Lelouch slammed a book across his head. The exiled prince then sneered,

"Che, dobe."


	5. Chapter 5

_Deez Nutz_

It was another wonderful day at Ashford Academy as Rivalz walked down the hallway. All of a sudden, Shirley walked up to him.

"Rivalz, have you seen my CD's?"

Rivalz replied simply, "C DEEZ NUTZ!"

Shirley looked at him, shook her head and walked away to her master, Lelouch.

Meanwhile, Kallen was watching a soccer game and sighed, "These guys suck."

"SUCK DEEZ NUTZ!" Rivalz shouted, causing Kallen to yelp and jump up.

Rivalz bailed swiftly.

Three hours later, Rivalz was stopped by Lelouch, who was flanked by Kallen and Shirley wearing their slave uniforms.

Lelouch sighed, "Rivalz, I've been hearing what you've been saying and I have a question for you."

"QUESTION DEEZ NUTZ!" Rivalz yelled, chuckling afterward.

Lelouch twitched, "Do you want me to kick you?"

Rivalz, ignorant of the annoyance rolling off of the prince, responded, "KICK DEEZ NUTZ!"

WHACK

Rivalz screamed like a little girl as Lelouch planted his foot into his balls. "Gladly."

Rivalz had to get surgery to repair his burst left testicle.

AN: REVIEW DEEZ NUTZ BIATCH!


	6. URGENT AN

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. While I don't have anything that I believe violates your terms of use, there are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.

If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.

Psudocode_Samurai

Rocketman1728

dracohalo117

VFSNAKE

Agato the Venom Host

Jay Frost

SamCrow

Blood Brandy

Dusk666

Hisea Ori

The Dark Graven

BlackRevenant

Lord Orion Salazar Black

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EternalKnight219

If you could do what some other authors have done and post this petition as a temporary new chapter on some of your stories to help spreed the word? It would help a lot it's how I found out about this.


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